When it rains it pours. But apparently there's always sun peeking through the clouds? Why can't I see the sun? I feel like I'm suffocating in my problems. I lie in bed staring, I always feel my walls moving in on me. I feel like I'm drowning in self pity. I dream of some one sweeping me off my feet and caring me into a dream land where everything is perfect. But in reality nothing is ever perfect. When im happy, something always invades it and sends me in a spiraling daze of confusion. A confusion that makes me a wreck, where I feel like I'm falling apart. I drove away from Trey's today bawling my eyes out. I don't cry, let alone in front of people and I cried on trey today. I opened up and let my guard down to him and I didn't expect that. I thought I was doing so good at holding a wall up between my weakness but clearly, I wasn't doing a very good job. Every time he would ask me if I was ok, I'd respond yes. I wonder if he knew I was lying. Because I'm really not ok. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel so lost, and I don't feel like I'm in control of anything anymore. I feel like other people are controlling my life, my happiness, and all the above.
