Tonight seems like another sleepless night where I sit up all night pondering upon pointless thoughts. Everything's just one up and down roller coaster ride after another. I'm in love with my bestfriend and crazy about my boyfriend. I miss gages big blue eyes more and more everyday. My sister still hasn't talked to me, it's been almost a month. I've done nothing wrong to her but she just shut me out and I miss her. I hate pretending to be nice to people I don't like. My brothers mom is a perfect example. She pulled some psycho things on my mom when she was pregnant with me and I'm not really pro-Sabrina for what she did. But I miss my brother and I want to see him so I'm forced to be nice to Sabrina. Brent is always on my mind though speaking of my brother. I wish he didn't live so far away. I wonder if my papas gunna be ok or my Mimi or my Nannie. They're all so sick from pulmonary fibrosis to lupus to severe cancer. I wonder when it'll end. I like to try to keep a smile on my face though, everyone has enough problems as it is they shouldn't have to worry about me. I'm a tough girl...I've gone through enough, I can handle myself right? I'm glad people I trust are the only ones that can read this. I'd be mortified if the public read my deepest thoughts and secrets. The thing I hate about high schoolers is they're always judging, never stoping once to think about what other people are going through. Even if it's something small and pointless, it's still not easy and may be hard. Judging some one doesn't define the judegee it defines the judger. If I could get along with everyone, I really would. I hate how there's the "popular cool" kids and the "weird kids" that no one talks to. They're typically the nicer ones and easygoing. I like them much better. Like this one girl in my chemistry class, she's quite different than the normal Midlothian high schooler and I talked to her for the first time today. She was so nice and complimentive. I respected it so much. I used to go about my daily routines being a sad girl whom dwelled on everything. Plus only talked to people that were "cool" but I'm getting a new outlook upon things. I guess it's part of growing up. My days go better when I'm putting on a smile whether it be fake or not, it still makes my days better. Maybe I'll try to sleep now. Goodnight blogger :)
