This could really be a good life, good life

The dream world is where I want to live

Your name is happy? Nice to meet you!

It's time to go out and be myself again. I used to smile all the time and it looked stunning on me so I think I'll go back to that. I'm supposed to be the strong one who hold people together and I like it that way. I deserve to be happy so hello I'm Sydney and I'm happy, nice to meet you!

Am I asking for too much?

I'm in love with love..the idea, the physical aspect, the feeling, all of it. The reason I think I'm always searching so hard for some one is because I want love. I want some one to love me. I want to be loved by some one who would do anything for me. I want to be loved by some one who would go out of their way for me. I just want some one to love me and show they love me. I don't want it to be just anyone though, I want it to be some one special. I want it to creep up and come out of no where. I want to be truly cared about. I want to be able to just call some one and say come over or can I come over and the answer to always be yes. I want to be in my room and find their items placed throughout my room. I want to sleep in their shirt or hoodie. I want to just be able to kiss them no matter the time or occasion, just do it because I care too. I want to be able to look at them and they know what meaning that facial expression has. I want to be able to just laugh, cry, smile, and be myself around some one. I want some one I can act like a little kid around or act mature. I want some one who won't judge me for every little thing I do and I want some one who will accept me for me. 


It's funny how guys complain about how there are no girls out there but look right in front of you, what am I? That's what I thought.....

It's so weird

How people you know become people you knew

Me against the world

In the end

I expect too much from you only to get nothing in return.

My mind is in a daze, I'm left with no clue

Because I know things aren't right.

Tired of you, it's time I speak up

You aren't perfect nor a good person, but I see past your flaws

Confusion leads to fake smiles

How it all started

Random thoughts going through my head

I'm being attacked with a variety of emotions lately that switch around from hot and cold vigorously. I'll start the day off extremely tired and just really nonchalant. By the middle of the day my mood is typically a really positive one and I feel strong, and happy. An hour or so later I'll find myself dreading every second of the day. Then when I come home, I either come home to happiness or just finding out more bullshit that gets pulled behind my back. When it's time to sleep, I find myself thinking very deeply about the past hour, days, weeks, months, and years. Then comes a depression that hits me like a brick wall. I feel a huge rush of something negative I can't even put into words nor describe it. It's a sickening feeling that I can never get rid of. It's the obvious state that nothing is ever going to end up being easy. I constantly put myself down and I never feel anything anymore. I'm too attached to some one to move past and get out of his games. I'm too stubborn to find the right path to go down. I never learn my lesson every time. I've learned to accept that some people never change; I know I deserve the absolute world, I deserve to be loved genuinely the way I love. One day I'll get what I want, but until that day comes...I'll be searching for the answer on why I'm so sad all the time.  

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return

I'm a firm believer in love concurs all. Love is something that comes in when you least expect it, it swoops you off your feet and leaves you begging for more. It's a craving, it's a joy, and it can also be a sorrow. Loving some one may not always mean they love you in return. Loving some one also means caring for them even when they're at their worst points, or caught up in such crappy situations that they shut you out. Knowing you love some one is one of the truest things a person can ever feel. Age doesn't matter with love; you may be sixteen and in love or fifty and in love. You may be in love with some one who has a few years on you which creates strain and stress especially when you're only sixteen but when it's love, it shouldn't matter. Love is something that should leave you carefree and open. It should leave you smiling day in and day out. It's something that consumes your everything from the inside out. You may think you love some one then realize your best guy friend is actually the one you truly love. Love may leave you broken but it's the fact you've experienced the feeling that the hurting shouldn't be looked down upon; because you lived a life with love involved. True love can happen more than once in a life time. Love is all around the world and surrounds us on a daily basis. Love grows in time, for me it grew over a period of two years.

I offered you the world, you've offered me neglect

If some one who cares about you more than anyone you know offers you the world and gives you everything they mentally and physically could over some one who only tears you down, would you take it or pass it up? You'd take it. 

So I offered you the world, and you didn't take it. I gave you everything and anything you wanted. I gave you my heart, I gave you my care, I gave you my compassion, I gave you my smile, I gave you my love. What'd you give me? Heartbreak. I can tell you I would never sneak around behind your back and be secretly dating my ex again; I'd have the decency to tell you rather than having them text you being rude. I've been here for you since day one, encouraged you to straighten your life up, I've listened to you vent, I've risked hanging out with you, I've done everything I possibly could to prove to you I care. I compliment you all the time and tell you what you're doing right. When have you ever done anything for me? Maybe you've listened to me complain and made me happy at some point but only to tear me apart. She infected you and turned you into an inconsiderate asshole. You don't know how to own up to your problems and mistakes. You avoid everything wrong and never fix them. You don't know how to speak up and tell people how you feel or don't feel. Sure, you're getting your shit together now but keeping her is only going to screw up the accomplishments you tackled and you're going to go back to the beginning. 

"I feel like our worlds been infected and some how you left me neglected. We found our lives been changed. Babe, you lost me."