Random thoughts going through my head

I'm being attacked with a variety of emotions lately that switch around from hot and cold vigorously. I'll start the day off extremely tired and just really nonchalant. By the middle of the day my mood is typically a really positive one and I feel strong, and happy. An hour or so later I'll find myself dreading every second of the day. Then when I come home, I either come home to happiness or just finding out more bullshit that gets pulled behind my back. When it's time to sleep, I find myself thinking very deeply about the past hour, days, weeks, months, and years. Then comes a depression that hits me like a brick wall. I feel a huge rush of something negative I can't even put into words nor describe it. It's a sickening feeling that I can never get rid of. It's the obvious state that nothing is ever going to end up being easy. I constantly put myself down and I never feel anything anymore. I'm too attached to some one to move past and get out of his games. I'm too stubborn to find the right path to go down. I never learn my lesson every time. I've learned to accept that some people never change; I know I deserve the absolute world, I deserve to be loved genuinely the way I love. One day I'll get what I want, but until that day comes...I'll be searching for the answer on why I'm so sad all the time.