My Turn

Neither of us are perfect. Neither of us were/are innocent. We've both said stuff and did stuff we shouldn't have. We let an extraordinary friendship fall apart for what? To deal with loosing each other? To deal with the petrifying question "why aren't you and her friends anymore?" What good did that do for us? It may have done good for you and you may plan on not dwelling on the situation but I'm going to dwell on it every day until I move on. You may word it as "learning about heart break and betrayal" but I  look at it as bull shit. Unfair and unexplainable bull shit. We get told daily that we shouldn't be friends and we promised each other and ourselves we'd prove them wrong. What did we do? We proved them right. That makes me feel so weak that we couldn't hold on. We couldn't work things out. All we did was give the silent treatment. All we did was give up rather than talk it out. All we did was find flaws in each other.  We may have fought our asses off with each other, we may have annoyed the crap out of each other, we may have disagreed on every little thing, we may have acted like bitches to each other, and we may have gotten sick of each other but our friend ship was real, it all happened, we were like sisters, and we were each other's everything. Now I have the feeling things won't go back because the both of us are way too stubborn and you've got a new best friend but regardless of any negative thing I've ever said directed towards you...I'll always care. I may look at you like you're crazy every day when I see you, I may feel awkward tension between us 24/7, I may be keeping a secret from you about something that I promised I wouldn't tell you even though the person I promised has the biggest damn mouth and tells people things when they promised they wouldn't, I may have called you selfish (in all honesty I don't even remember saying it) but I would NEVER text you and call you a "selfish slut," and I would NEVER walk up to you and "brag about hanging out with Emma." Just in case you thought that I would do that, I wouldn't. I can honestly say I will never hate you. I may get angry with you and say something to some one I don't mean and regret, I may be the biggest bitch in the world about the whole situation, I may be a bad friend for not telling you something you should know about something/some one, I may act like I'm in middle school about us not being friends, I may break down constantly and act unneffected, but I'm effected in more ways then believable and even if you find it "not a bad thing," I find it horrible and feel weaker than ever.