Isn't family is supposed to be the realest thing to you? They're all supposed to love you and be there for you no matter what. My family isn't exactly like that. My mom and her side of the family has always been very welcoming and open armed because they know how to be a family. But my dad and his side? Only half of them are faithful to treating me like family.
I feel as if I dread on my family problems too much. I feel like I'm a negative Nancy and well because it's true..I am.
Has anyone read the blog about my dad? Does anyone know the background about my dad? It's a sad situation, I know. Sympathy is all I ever get about it. Maybe I want more..maybe I actually want my dad.
I was sitting at lunch at Applebees with my Nannie yesterday and she brought up an interesting topic. My dad. She informed me that my mom told her this - my dad only ever ate one meal a day. She followed that statement by pointing out I'm the same way. I'll munch throughout the day but only eat one actual meal a day. I kinda actually smiled, knowing I obtain some of his small traits like that. It makes me feel like I have part of him since I'm similar to him in some ways.
We also had a conversation about his mother, my grandmother - Lorraine, and that was a difficult conversation to have. You see, Lorraine isn't Grandma or Grammy or Mimi or Mawmaw or Granny...she's just Lorraine. She's never really been a big part of my life. She neglected me just like my father. I guess that's where he got the idea. When I was an infant, she always watched over me and spent time with me then decided she didn't want to. I guess since my dad was having an affair with my mom behind his wife's back, Lorraine didn't approve. My great-grandmother, Olga Prokapuk, had met me when I was a baby; the strange thing was - she never knew I was her grand-daughter. Lorraine wouldn't allow her to know because she felt like it was a disappointment my dad wasn't married to my mom and that's why Olga didn't know I was her blood. That's the first thing she did to mess up.
As you can see already, Lorraine is not a nice woman. Even though I'm her blood - her grand-daughter, she treats me like a stranger. I was with my Nannie when I was about 9 and we were at a tanning bed salon. We happened to be near Lorraine's house and she happened to attend that salon. I was sitting out in the waiting room - waiting for Nannie to finish, and Lorraine ironically was there...tanning. She came out the room and stared at me for a few seconds and realized who I was and just left the salon as if I was a stranger. It's not like she didn't know what I looked like. My babysitter was her direct next door neighbor. I was next door to Lorraine every single day for years and she didn't speak to me once. That's the second thing she's done to mess up.
February of my 8th grade year, my uncle Roscoe (my aunt from my dad's sides husband) died from an enlarged heart. He was a very loving, well-known man. We went to his burial ceremony and can you guess who was there? You got it...Lorraine. She was prancing around like a little hot shot with her other daughter, my other aunt, Lorri. Lorri never really accepted me either. I attended this ceremony with my mom and we were standing around waiting for everybody to get to the ceremony. Lorraine and Lorri were standing right in front of us. They turned around and took one look at me and started laughing. I felt heartbroken and torn my own family and blood couldn't speak to me. That's the third thing Lorraine has done to mess up.
I thought blood and family meant you always stick together. For a while this whole Lorraine, Lorri, and my dad situation shook me up. It still breaks my heart but then in March, I met my dad's real dad - my Papa. My dad was adopted by one of Lorraine's husbands so I never knew I even had a long lost grandpa that lived in Michigan. I also met his wife - my Mimi. And I met their kids: Christine, Greg, and Brian. (which are my aunts and uncles.) Along with them, I met their wives/husbands - and all their children (my cousins.) They lightened up my upset side because they showed me I still have them to count on.
Why am I telling you all this? Maybe because I need to vent about it. Maybe I need to let it all out and tell you a little history about my family. Maybe this will show you why I'm always deep down sad and emotionally messed up.
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