I've recently found myself in a situation where there's no solution. I've been sent to my grandmother's (Nannie), by choice, to get away. Here; I have no life. My mom took my cell phone, facebook, and all social life away. I can't talk to anyone other than my Nannie. It hasn't even been 24 hours since my mom took my phone/facebook and I'm already bored as can be without. I never knew how much I rely on drama to keep me from being bored to tears. But, in this less than 24 hours I've already learned not to rely on my phone or facebook for entertainment.
This whole situation I'm in has torn me to pieces though. My mom and I literally lost our relationship and we were suggested family counseling would help. My Mimi is so sick and I'm worried to death about her. I tried texting my dad but of course he didn't respond. The boy I'm absolutely crazy about won't talk to me like he used to for no reason; he just decided to drop me. I don't get to see my family in Michigan this summer like I planned to. My sister shut me out randomly and hasn't responded to me. I got into so much trouble Tuesday night that I lost my social life. I was dealing with a scare for about a week which is all fine now but the thoughts that were going through my head were unbearable.
I feel completely alone in this big world, I feel attacked like some one is out to get me. I'm slowly shutting down to everyone and everything. I feel like I can't rely on the people I used to. I feel like everytime I have a problem and run to someone, I sound like a broken record that no one wants to listen to. I feel like part of me is missing. Not to mention all my personal flaws I realized last night during a deep talk with my Nannie. I realized I have so many problems I need to work out.
I had a question brought up to me last night by my Nannie; "Maybe you should try therapy." Therapy? Isn't that where crazy people go? I thought to myself "Nannie is insane for ever suggesting that." Then, ten minutes later I thought to myself "maybe it wouldn't be so bad, maybe some one will actually listen to me and help me." Therapy? The place where crazy people go... just might be what I need. The more I think about how sucky things are right now the more personal problems I find myself running into. The thoughts I come across when I send myself down a depression spiral are just psycho thoughts. I think things like "would life for people be easier without me?" The more I think about it, the more I think personal therapy may not be so bad after all.
Whatever the solution is, needs to be found soon. I find myself breaking and breaking and breaking...how many times can I break 'til I shatter?
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