Everthing always ends in "what if?"

It all started on a balmy hot Friday night, June 11th 2010 to be exact. You rolled up to Tori's with Matt and I just saw you as this cute guy who I wanted to know. I was surprisingly more shy than I had imagined to getting to know you but by the end of the night we were flirting and hanging out. Later that night I recall texting Matt about you and then we were chatting a little to the point where you gave me your  number. I remember it as it were yesterday even though it was a year and a half ago. We talked every day all day after that night. We hung out a little before we quickly jumped into a relationship. 11:11pm on June 25, 2011 it officially turned into us. You then left to a place that ruined it all for a month over the summer. I remember you calling me every night to talk to me, little did I know you had been cheating on me. I was gone for cheering camp when you came home and the day I got back we all went to Busch Gardens; me, you, your sister, your mom, your brother, and his girlfriend. We were all having a blast, while I was still clueless that you had been cheating on me. It wasn't long after that when I found out of your thoughtless actions that led me down a heart broken road. I found out about the first girl; the minute I found out I collapsed to the ground, breathless, wondering why you could do this to me after you said you loved me. I was told about another girl, whom you swore to me you didn't cheat on me with but then the day before Thanksgiving I found out it was all a lie. Everything, you told me you loved me. I didn't believe it. I still stuck with you, stayed in a relationship with you and after a while had seemed to forget the hell you put me through. Right before school started I ended it but we were still together. I took you back again and in March, I finally realized I couldn't handle looking at you every day thinking it was still the same, thinking you really did love me. How could you love me after you cheated on me? It wasn't possible. You swore to me you did though and I believed you. We spent every day together almost. I attended your hockey games, came over for dinner rather often, cooked with your mom and dad and sister, went away for the weekend with you, went to lunch with you after school, got to know all of your friends as well as you got to know mine, and I loved you. We still stayed together after this harsh realization it was all a lie but then I just couldn't handle it and in May, it was finally all over. For good. You kept chasing after me, and I wasn't having it. I ran away from all my problems and they kept coming after me again. I pushed and pushed away from you harder and harder each time and you finally stopped. Then everything in my life kept getting worse and worse and it was all crumbling around me. I didn't know who else to turn to, I didn't know where to go. It was like I was trapped in a maze you didn't realize you were the light at the end of the tunnel. I just gave up, and ran to you as my safe place again. Now, we've got our friendship back and that's more than we've been able to say since June. It's started to hit me that maybe it wouldn't be so bad to open up to you again so that's what I've been doing. And now I keep pondering upon the idea: what if it worked out between us? We were the strong couple, we got through it all. We made it through the roughest problems. We taught each other what love was..what trust was..what honesty was. Maybe it didn't start out like that after all we went through but a world of WHAT IFS is running through my head. I do love you, with all my heart. Maybe not the love I thought it was but I still love you. You are my best friend. Even though you like this girl I work with and I like some guy I work with, I still wonder...wonder about crazy things. I wonder more and more everyday.